( he listens, because josh told him to. doesn't say a word during his whole explanation, going over all of it. he remembers, vaguely, seeing josh during that. when everything felt like shit, when he was sure he was going to just implode, that it was the end of everything, he and nori were done for.
before josh made it to them, at least.
the rest of it, well. isn't shit that julian really knows crap about. he didn't see much of josh, but hearing about it secondhand is pissing him off. because josh was just a kid. he was just following orders, following what others told him to do, going where he was directed. it's not josh's fault he lost his shit.
they've all done crap they regret. been pushed to the limit, fallen off the edge and had to find their way back up again. they were all kids during most that bullshit. brought up during a time when everything was crap, when finding their friends mutilated on their doorstep was normal.
and kevin is fine now, in one piece on krakoa. readjusting to being alive, to still being a teenager while a lot of his friends are grown. julian would be more concerned hearing this shit if he hadn't been fine. kevin had a rough go of it, a power that was shit to learn to handle. )
I'm sorry, that that crap happened to you. We should've come for you. That's not--crap any kid should have to carry. ( they're still young, not quite kids but not quite adults either. on the cusp of independence but still figuring crap out. julian doesn't think he needs to specify that. their childhood was taken from them on m-day, and they're never going to get it back. ) But it's not on you. None of it is. They used you, manipulated you, burned you out and kept throwing you out into the field because you were useful. You know that.
[ he takes a minute to compose himself. they lost everything that day. he held onto it a fraction longer, until dj was bleeding out under his hands, until laurie was splattered all over his face. until stryker was underneath his hands, his body the implement of murder. ]
I still did it, Julian. It doesn't matter what they did. I did it.
[ his words are a little hollow. gaze lifting to meet the telekinetic's. ]
I killed Stryker with my bare hands before they made me do anything. I've got this darkness inside of me that comes out, and it's even worse with my powers because they're still growing. I've killed people since I ran away. I've tortured people. I've -
[ he shakes his head. slowly at first and then more vigorously. ]
I- I signed up with the Brotherhood, willingly. And then the Hellfire Club. I think the X-Men are stupid and they're driving us towards extinction and they don't give a shit about us and I make this big show of not wanting to hurt anyone, but I know the second its easy for me I do. I always do.
The older generation is stupid. All of them. They're all pushing for crap for their benefit, you're not wrong.
( shifting forward, to reach a hand out towards josh, palm up. )
But you're not bad, idiot. You did what you had to. You learned how to handle shit from the stupid assholes around you. And you? You saved most've us. You brought back Laurie, Kevin, DJ, Brian, Jay, Sofia. Maybe not yet, but you will. You gave me back my hands.
And none of this, anything you've said, changes jack shit here.
they're okay. this changes nothing. the weight has been lifted and liberation from it is almost dizzying. julian extends a hand and josh reluctantly reaches out in turn.
pausing just before their skin can make contact, brow furrowed in worry. ]
( julian leaves his hand where it is, doesn't force the touch but doesn't pull away from it either. josh will come to him when he feels comfortable, there's no need to press forward here. )
( josh's hand rests against his own, and julian curls his fingers around josh's, pulls him in closer. the bandages on his hands are gone; he's--adjusting to the sensation of skin on skin contact again. )
Not like we can play by normal dating rules here anyway.
( josh slides in closer, and julian--slides his hand up against his cheek, tips his head up so when julian leans down, he can press their foreheads together. )
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before josh made it to them, at least.
the rest of it, well. isn't shit that julian really knows crap about. he didn't see much of josh, but hearing about it secondhand is pissing him off. because josh was just a kid. he was just following orders, following what others told him to do, going where he was directed. it's not josh's fault he lost his shit.
they've all done crap they regret. been pushed to the limit, fallen off the edge and had to find their way back up again. they were all kids during most that bullshit. brought up during a time when everything was crap, when finding their friends mutilated on their doorstep was normal.
and kevin is fine now, in one piece on krakoa. readjusting to being alive, to still being a teenager while a lot of his friends are grown. julian would be more concerned hearing this shit if he hadn't been fine. kevin had a rough go of it, a power that was shit to learn to handle. )
I'm sorry, that that crap happened to you. We should've come for you. That's not--crap any kid should have to carry. ( they're still young, not quite kids but not quite adults either. on the cusp of independence but still figuring crap out. julian doesn't think he needs to specify that. their childhood was taken from them on m-day, and they're never going to get it back. ) But it's not on you. None of it is. They used you, manipulated you, burned you out and kept throwing you out into the field because you were useful. You know that.
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I still did it, Julian. It doesn't matter what they did. I did it.
[ his words are a little hollow. gaze lifting to meet the telekinetic's. ]
I killed Stryker with my bare hands before they made me do anything. I've got this darkness inside of me that comes out, and it's even worse with my powers because they're still growing. I've killed people since I ran away. I've tortured people. I've -
[ he shakes his head. slowly at first and then more vigorously. ]
I- I signed up with the Brotherhood, willingly. And then the Hellfire Club. I think the X-Men are stupid and they're driving us towards extinction and they don't give a shit about us and I make this big show of not wanting to hurt anyone, but I know the second its easy for me I do. I always do.
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( shifting forward, to reach a hand out towards josh, palm up. )
But you're not bad, idiot. You did what you had to. You learned how to handle shit from the stupid assholes around you. And you? You saved most've us. You brought back Laurie, Kevin, DJ, Brian, Jay, Sofia. Maybe not yet, but you will. You gave me back my hands.
And none of this, anything you've said, changes jack shit here.
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they're okay. this changes nothing. the weight has been lifted and liberation from it is almost dizzying. julian extends a hand and josh reluctantly reaches out in turn.
pausing just before their skin can make contact, brow furrowed in worry. ]
... What if I hurt you?
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( julian leaves his hand where it is, doesn't force the touch but doesn't pull away from it either. josh will come to him when he feels comfortable, there's no need to press forward here. )
And you know I can handle myself.
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[ it scares him how much he wants this. ]
I'm a shittier boyfriend than I am a friend.
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( just applying a different title to a relationship that was, basically, already dating. )
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Okay.
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Not like we can play by normal dating rules here anyway.
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[ he steps closer, settling down on the bed beside julian. ]
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( josh slides in closer, and julian--slides his hand up against his cheek, tips his head up so when julian leans down, he can press their foreheads together. )
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Its got the basics there. People who like each other making a commitment. It's just, y'know, super... open.
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( listen he has a grudge and he's going to keep on it now. )
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but julian just. tips his head in and presses his lips to josh's own in a quick kiss. )
Good.
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If this is gonna be a thing, though, can I ask one thing?
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( sounds suspicious, what is josh after here. )
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( with a gentle shove against josh's shoulder, before he's pulling himself up to his feet. )
Finish your coffee.
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[ he stretches over the grab the coffee from the windowsill. ]
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Take it back. I'm not fucking Cindy.
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You wanna be Sheen? I can call you Ultralord in bed if that does it for you.
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( don't mind him, just shoving against josh's shoulder to try and lean over him to take his stupid coffee. )
I don't know why I keep you around. ( but he's grinning even while he says it. )
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[ he's balanced precariously on the edge of the bed, grinning like a total idiot. ]
You must reeeally like me.
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( fine. josh can keep it, julian doesn't want the cup of sugar anyway. but he will lean in and--dig his teeth into josh's neck, hard. )
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