( honestly? he could be wrong. but julian's fairly certain he isn't. nate's strong, enough his nightmares could, theoretically, fuck them all up if no one woke him up fast enough. except they're also in a house with others with the same exact skillset and more training to help balance him out. if julian hadn't gotten here fast enough to wake him up, quire likely would have been able to take care of it. ms. grey definitely could have. no one was at serious risk of getting hurt, because it's not as if nate's the kind of asshat who would hurt them as long as he was conscious enough to recognize what he was doing. and, look, julian's fine.
the dorms have two beds each, even if only one in this room has been made. so julian opts to take his hand off of nate's shoulder and sit himself down on the edge of the other one. just - looks at the other guy for a moment, lips pursed like he's considering exactly what he wants to say here. )
As for the question... yeah. He remembers. He always remembers. What he tries to do is forget. But Julian is there on the other bed and he's just... standing there, gaze dropping down as he contemplates whether or not to go into it. Or, how to go into it while being as vague as possible concerning certain details that isn't lying.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he takes a breath and drops his hand away, a glance just barely given to Julian over there from where he stands. )
My powers became too much and I... lost control... taking half the planet with me.
That's not going to happen, here. Not with the rest of us around.
( he can't speak for wherever or whenever nate came from, because - how the hell is julian supposed to know how that's going to go? but he does know that between everyone they've got on planet, there's no way nate's going to just massacre half of them accidentally. )
( it's said - quietly. they'd just been talking about this a bit ago, right? how julian takes crap on because someone has to. but he doesn't leave it sitting, and follows it up with, )
I get nightmares, too. And if I was having a shit one, I'd rather there be someone there for me when I woke up than wake up alone again. You know?
( he's still sitting, even though nate's rolled over onto his side. mostly because this isn't his bed and doesn't have his crap on it. )
( He's usually alone anyways when he wakes from his nightmares, but. He understands what Julian is saying. The few times he's had someone there for him, it's been either Thren or Maddie... and both have ditched him, so.
Falling quiet, he keeps himself there on his side, blue eyes staring across the room. )
if he doesn't stop and think about it, it doesn't bother him. but when he does, julian - remembers all the time he's been there for everyone else, and how when he needed it? everyone else was just gone. it wasn't their fault, their lives are all fucked, but it still - stung.
eyes focus down on the metal hands where they hang loosely in front of him. thinking, for a moment, about how fucked their whole lives are. all of them. why this has to be such a common experience among mutantkind. how krakoa was supposed to fix that only for it to get fucked, too. how fucked it was on the back end, where quire was stuck getting massacred over and over again.
christ. )
What's up?
( he's here, he doesn't have a problem getting asked shit. though the asking if one could ask is definitely suspicious. )
( He tries to find the words to ask what he's thinking about and he keeps those thoughts gently locked behind a door. Just in case. He and Quentin share a connection and all now. )
there's a snort, before he raises his eyes up to look to nate and just. raises a brow at him. )
Dude. I lost my hands when I was sixteen. And even before that, things were kind of crap. I've had girlfriends, and gone on dates or whatever, but - no, not really.
( His expression drops some at that and a sigh leaves him as he lays there. )
Oh. I guess that's good to know.
( Is it? No. It sucks. clearly this is why he grows a beard and bans relationships in the future But at least Julian is honest with him, so. There's that, he figures. )
( which he realizes means absolutely nothing without context, but, )
Unless she directly tells you that she's being serious, that she wants something more out of something, I wouldn't take anything with her even a little bit seriously. She was flirting with and kissing me when we were still back on Aphaia, too.
( Blue eyes flick their gaze over to Julian there and he's quiet โ mulls over the other's words โ before he goes and lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling, arm still tucked behind his head some. )
Does everyone just... sleep with each other then? And it doesn't mean anything?
Honestly? A little bit on Krakoa, yeah. ( which is now dead and that's a whole other mess of bullshit he doesn't know how to get into. ) Like, I don't know what was going on with them, but Scott Summers, Jean Grey, and Logan all moved into a massive house together with them and all their kids and took vacations together. And there were a crapton of bonfire parties where people'd just start going at it, but outside of that? No. Not really.
( he's still coming to terms with krakoa being gone. everyone else here who experienced living there had time back home to cope. julian just - had it all info dumped right into him. )
( Things he... doesn't want to know about when it concerns the people who are his alternate parents, yeah. Gaze lingering on the ceiling there, he frowns some at the thought โ at the possibility that what he thought he and Thren had just... didn't mean anything. To her. Anything he had with Maddie also didn't seem to mean anything to her either. Maybe he really is just too sweet. )
( julian takes in a big breath, holds it for a second, and lets it out as his shoulders slump. a hand raises, fingers shoving roughly through his hair as he considers exactly how he wants to answer that. love life? definitely not his field of expertise. )
Man, I don't know. Like I said, the Cuckoos are a special case. I've been trying to get the same girl's attention for. . . hell if I know how long anymore, and I'm lucky if she even looks my way. Then there's chicks like the Cuckoos who just want shit casually and I've tried that, but it doesn't, ( a loose lift of his shoulders, while he tries to think about how to word this whole mess, ) It doesn't feel right. You know?
( Or maybe Quentin is a special case for them. Good for him, really. Still, he gently flicks his gaze over to Julian there and stares to him for a long moment before he looks back to the ceiling, then drops it down some, mulling over his words and how it must feel for Julian.
In the end, he just sighs. Because he does get it, and not just because he's a telepath. )
I'm fine with like, ( he's still sitting, but he sits up enough to roll his shoulders a little. ) I don't know, making out with Sophie a little when she wants to. ( since he knows she's the common denominator here, may as well take advantage. ) It's not like I've got anything else going on. And it feels nice.
But it's not what I want. And I don't, ( christ, he needs to stop starting sentences only to get stuck midway because how the fuck is he supposed to finish them, this isn't something he's all that comfortable chatting about, ) It took me forever to figure out how to do basic shit again after sentinels blew off my hands. I don't know how I'm supposed to manage sleeping with girls without fucking it up. I pull out my own damn hair enough as it is. So, no, I haven't been with a lot of girls. But yeah, I have fucked it up every time I have been with someone, so I get you.
( Oral, he means and yeah, he's trying to be helpful, not funny. )
You're afraid of hurting someone you're with, just like I'm afraid I could hurt anyone I'm around.
( The smile he offers him is soft and bittersweet in a way โ understanding more than anything else. At that, he turns to lay on his side so he can look to Julian then, arm tucked under his head again and blue eyes stare to the mutant there on the other bed. )
But I guess it's a risk we end up taking at some point, right? Because sometimes it's lonely not to. I know that feeling, too.
( okay listen, it's not the making them feel good thing that concerns him, although there is also that and what if he's shit at it. it's not like any of his currently alive close friends are of any use when it comes to asking. santo's a rock. literally. quentin wasn't a close friend and he's definitely not asking him now, that'd just give him more crap to be an ass about. foley's - they're not talking about foley and he isn't thinking about him. ever.
there's sophie, now that there's no hivemind. but he wouldn't say jack shit to any of them when they were all hiveminded out because those girls love to gossip.
cessily isn't a bad choice, until one considers that she's also basically his sister and he's not asking someone he thinks of like a sibling anything like that. ew.
doesn't matter. nate's moved on, julian's not going to bother talking about any of the rest of that crap because that's messy and this is already messy enough. )
Yeah. ( no one really likes being alone, do they? ) Anyway. Don't worry about crap with Sophie. Unless she led you on and made it seem like it was more than it is, in which case - can't do much about it, but. I get you.
( Dropping his gaze again, he falls quiet. Thinks something over. )
I knew this girl back on Earth.
( You know, the one they're all from and he might as well consider his new home. )
She had the ability to absorb dying people's energy. Sometimes I think she got addicted to it. Anyways, we spent some time together โ thought it was something more than just spending time together, but. She has a tendency to disappear... then I found out Sinister had her try and bring me in to him, so. I guess it's why I was asking if it all meaning nothing really is just how it is.
Some people are just like that. I don't think it's on you.
( also, working with sinister? ick. but girls using their appeal to get guys to follow them places? sounds about right. wouldn't be the first time he's heard that story.
with another sigh, julian flops back to lay on the bed he's sitting on. maybe it doesn't have sheets or an actual blanket on it but a mattress is a mattress and they're still chatting, he's unlikely to go anywhere any time soon. )
Chick who absorbs dying people's energy probably isn't all that great to hang around anyway. But what do I know?
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( honestly? he could be wrong. but julian's fairly certain he isn't. nate's strong, enough his nightmares could, theoretically, fuck them all up if no one woke him up fast enough. except they're also in a house with others with the same exact skillset and more training to help balance him out. if julian hadn't gotten here fast enough to wake him up, quire likely would have been able to take care of it. ms. grey definitely could have. no one was at serious risk of getting hurt, because it's not as if nate's the kind of asshat who would hurt them as long as he was conscious enough to recognize what he was doing. and, look, julian's fine.
the dorms have two beds each, even if only one in this room has been made. so julian opts to take his hand off of nate's shoulder and sit himself down on the edge of the other one. just - looks at the other guy for a moment, lips pursed like he's considering exactly what he wants to say here. )
Remember what you were dreaming about?
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As for the question... yeah. He remembers. He always remembers. What he tries to do is forget. But Julian is there on the other bed and he's just... standing there, gaze dropping down as he contemplates whether or not to go into it. Or, how to go into it while being as vague as possible concerning certain details that isn't lying.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he takes a breath and drops his hand away, a glance just barely given to Julian over there from where he stands. )
My powers became too much and I... lost control... taking half the planet with me.
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( he can't speak for wherever or whenever nate came from, because - how the hell is julian supposed to know how that's going to go? but he does know that between everyone they've got on planet, there's no way nate's going to just massacre half of them accidentally. )
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( He sighs and goes back to his bed โ flops himself down onto it and just lays there on his side, tucking his arm under his head. )
Sorry for waking you. Won't happen again.
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( it's said - quietly. they'd just been talking about this a bit ago, right? how julian takes crap on because someone has to. but he doesn't leave it sitting, and follows it up with, )
I get nightmares, too. And if I was having a shit one, I'd rather there be someone there for me when I woke up than wake up alone again. You know?
( he's still sitting, even though nate's rolled over onto his side. mostly because this isn't his bed and doesn't have his crap on it. )
You'd do the same for me, if it was reversed.
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( He's usually alone anyways when he wakes from his nightmares, but. He understands what Julian is saying. The few times he's had someone there for him, it's been either Thren or Maddie... and both have ditched him, so.
Falling quiet, he keeps himself there on his side, blue eyes staring across the room. )
Can I ask you something?
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if he doesn't stop and think about it, it doesn't bother him. but when he does, julian - remembers all the time he's been there for everyone else, and how when he needed it? everyone else was just gone. it wasn't their fault, their lives are all fucked, but it still - stung.
eyes focus down on the metal hands where they hang loosely in front of him. thinking, for a moment, about how fucked their whole lives are. all of them. why this has to be such a common experience among mutantkind. how krakoa was supposed to fix that only for it to get fucked, too. how fucked it was on the back end, where quire was stuck getting massacred over and over again.
christ. )
What's up?
( he's here, he doesn't have a problem getting asked shit. though the asking if one could ask is definitely suspicious. )
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Have you been with a lot of girls?
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there's a snort, before he raises his eyes up to look to nate and just. raises a brow at him. )
Dude. I lost my hands when I was sixteen. And even before that, things were kind of crap. I've had girlfriends, and gone on dates or whatever, but - no, not really.
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You don't like them..?
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is he giving off "i don't like girls" vibes.
anole would laugh at him right about now. )
Did Quire put you up to this?
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No?
( Why would he put him up to this? Whatever Julian thinks this is. )
I just... I don't know. Every girl I've ever been with just... doesn't work out. Is that normal?
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( oh.
okay.
well at least he knows how to answer this bit. )
For mutants? Yeah. Like, every damn time I've tried it's turned to shit.
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Oh. I guess that's good to know.
( Is it? No. It sucks.
clearly this is why he grows a beard and bans relationships in the futureBut at least Julian is honest with him, so. There's that, he figures. )no subject
( which he realizes means absolutely nothing without context, but, )
Unless she directly tells you that she's being serious, that she wants something more out of something, I wouldn't take anything with her even a little bit seriously. She was flirting with and kissing me when we were still back on Aphaia, too.
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Does everyone just... sleep with each other then? And it doesn't mean anything?
( Now he's questioning what he had with Thren. )
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( he's still coming to terms with krakoa being gone. everyone else here who experienced living there had time back home to cope. julian just - had it all info dumped right into him. )
The Cuckoos are a special case.
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What's the point then?
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Man, I don't know. Like I said, the Cuckoos are a special case. I've been trying to get the same girl's attention for. . . hell if I know how long anymore, and I'm lucky if she even looks my way. Then there's chicks like the Cuckoos who just want shit casually and I've tried that, but it doesn't, ( a loose lift of his shoulders, while he tries to think about how to word this whole mess, ) It doesn't feel right. You know?
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In the end, he just sighs. Because he does get it, and not just because he's a telepath. )
Yeah. It doesn't.
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But it's not what I want. And I don't, ( christ, he needs to stop starting sentences only to get stuck midway because how the fuck is he supposed to finish them, this isn't something he's all that comfortable chatting about, ) It took me forever to figure out how to do basic shit again after sentinels blew off my hands. I don't know how I'm supposed to manage sleeping with girls without fucking it up. I pull out my own damn hair enough as it is. So, no, I haven't been with a lot of girls. But yeah, I have fucked it up every time I have been with someone, so I get you.
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( Oral, he means and yeah, he's trying to be helpful, not funny. )
You're afraid of hurting someone you're with, just like I'm afraid I could hurt anyone I'm around.
( The smile he offers him is soft and bittersweet in a way โ understanding more than anything else. At that, he turns to lay on his side so he can look to Julian then, arm tucked under his head again and blue eyes stare to the mutant there on the other bed. )
But I guess it's a risk we end up taking at some point, right? Because sometimes it's lonely not to. I know that feeling, too.
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there's sophie, now that there's no hivemind. but he wouldn't say jack shit to any of them when they were all hiveminded out because those girls love to gossip.
cessily isn't a bad choice, until one considers that she's also basically his sister and he's not asking someone he thinks of like a sibling anything like that. ew.
doesn't matter. nate's moved on, julian's not going to bother talking about any of the rest of that crap because that's messy and this is already messy enough. )
Yeah. ( no one really likes being alone, do they? ) Anyway. Don't worry about crap with Sophie. Unless she led you on and made it seem like it was more than it is, in which case - can't do much about it, but. I get you.
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I knew this girl back on Earth.
( You know, the one they're all from and he might as well consider his new home. )
She had the ability to absorb dying people's energy. Sometimes I think she got addicted to it. Anyways, we spent some time together โ thought it was something more than just spending time together, but. She has a tendency to disappear... then I found out Sinister had her try and bring me in to him, so. I guess it's why I was asking if it all meaning nothing really is just how it is.
( A shrug, he sighs, closing his eyes. )
Or maybe I'm just stupid, I don't know.
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( also, working with sinister? ick. but girls using their appeal to get guys to follow them places? sounds about right. wouldn't be the first time he's heard that story.
with another sigh, julian flops back to lay on the bed he's sitting on. maybe it doesn't have sheets or an actual blanket on it but a mattress is a mattress and they're still chatting, he's unlikely to go anywhere any time soon. )
Chick who absorbs dying people's energy probably isn't all that great to hang around anyway. But what do I know?
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