( which he realizes means absolutely nothing without context, but, )
Unless she directly tells you that she's being serious, that she wants something more out of something, I wouldn't take anything with her even a little bit seriously. She was flirting with and kissing me when we were still back on Aphaia, too.
( Blue eyes flick their gaze over to Julian there and he's quiet — mulls over the other's words — before he goes and lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling, arm still tucked behind his head some. )
Does everyone just... sleep with each other then? And it doesn't mean anything?
Honestly? A little bit on Krakoa, yeah. ( which is now dead and that's a whole other mess of bullshit he doesn't know how to get into. ) Like, I don't know what was going on with them, but Scott Summers, Jean Grey, and Logan all moved into a massive house together with them and all their kids and took vacations together. And there were a crapton of bonfire parties where people'd just start going at it, but outside of that? No. Not really.
( he's still coming to terms with krakoa being gone. everyone else here who experienced living there had time back home to cope. julian just - had it all info dumped right into him. )
( Things he... doesn't want to know about when it concerns the people who are his alternate parents, yeah. Gaze lingering on the ceiling there, he frowns some at the thought — at the possibility that what he thought he and Thren had just... didn't mean anything. To her. Anything he had with Maddie also didn't seem to mean anything to her either. Maybe he really is just too sweet. )
( julian takes in a big breath, holds it for a second, and lets it out as his shoulders slump. a hand raises, fingers shoving roughly through his hair as he considers exactly how he wants to answer that. love life? definitely not his field of expertise. )
Man, I don't know. Like I said, the Cuckoos are a special case. I've been trying to get the same girl's attention for. . . hell if I know how long anymore, and I'm lucky if she even looks my way. Then there's chicks like the Cuckoos who just want shit casually and I've tried that, but it doesn't, ( a loose lift of his shoulders, while he tries to think about how to word this whole mess, ) It doesn't feel right. You know?
( Or maybe Quentin is a special case for them. Good for him, really. Still, he gently flicks his gaze over to Julian there and stares to him for a long moment before he looks back to the ceiling, then drops it down some, mulling over his words and how it must feel for Julian.
In the end, he just sighs. Because he does get it, and not just because he's a telepath. )
I'm fine with like, ( he's still sitting, but he sits up enough to roll his shoulders a little. ) I don't know, making out with Sophie a little when she wants to. ( since he knows she's the common denominator here, may as well take advantage. ) It's not like I've got anything else going on. And it feels nice.
But it's not what I want. And I don't, ( christ, he needs to stop starting sentences only to get stuck midway because how the fuck is he supposed to finish them, this isn't something he's all that comfortable chatting about, ) It took me forever to figure out how to do basic shit again after sentinels blew off my hands. I don't know how I'm supposed to manage sleeping with girls without fucking it up. I pull out my own damn hair enough as it is. So, no, I haven't been with a lot of girls. But yeah, I have fucked it up every time I have been with someone, so I get you.
( Oral, he means and yeah, he's trying to be helpful, not funny. )
You're afraid of hurting someone you're with, just like I'm afraid I could hurt anyone I'm around.
( The smile he offers him is soft and bittersweet in a way — understanding more than anything else. At that, he turns to lay on his side so he can look to Julian then, arm tucked under his head again and blue eyes stare to the mutant there on the other bed. )
But I guess it's a risk we end up taking at some point, right? Because sometimes it's lonely not to. I know that feeling, too.
( okay listen, it's not the making them feel good thing that concerns him, although there is also that and what if he's shit at it. it's not like any of his currently alive close friends are of any use when it comes to asking. santo's a rock. literally. quentin wasn't a close friend and he's definitely not asking him now, that'd just give him more crap to be an ass about. foley's - they're not talking about foley and he isn't thinking about him. ever.
there's sophie, now that there's no hivemind. but he wouldn't say jack shit to any of them when they were all hiveminded out because those girls love to gossip.
cessily isn't a bad choice, until one considers that she's also basically his sister and he's not asking someone he thinks of like a sibling anything like that. ew.
doesn't matter. nate's moved on, julian's not going to bother talking about any of the rest of that crap because that's messy and this is already messy enough. )
Yeah. ( no one really likes being alone, do they? ) Anyway. Don't worry about crap with Sophie. Unless she led you on and made it seem like it was more than it is, in which case - can't do much about it, but. I get you.
( Dropping his gaze again, he falls quiet. Thinks something over. )
I knew this girl back on Earth.
( You know, the one they're all from and he might as well consider his new home. )
She had the ability to absorb dying people's energy. Sometimes I think she got addicted to it. Anyways, we spent some time together — thought it was something more than just spending time together, but. She has a tendency to disappear... then I found out Sinister had her try and bring me in to him, so. I guess it's why I was asking if it all meaning nothing really is just how it is.
Some people are just like that. I don't think it's on you.
( also, working with sinister? ick. but girls using their appeal to get guys to follow them places? sounds about right. wouldn't be the first time he's heard that story.
with another sigh, julian flops back to lay on the bed he's sitting on. maybe it doesn't have sheets or an actual blanket on it but a mattress is a mattress and they're still chatting, he's unlikely to go anywhere any time soon. )
Chick who absorbs dying people's energy probably isn't all that great to hang around anyway. But what do I know?
We only really had each other. She was one of the first people I met when I fell into your world. I saved her and we just sort of stuck together… until she decided to disappear and everything just became.. complicated.
( Just like with Maddie. Is this how it is with women? He’s beginning to wonder.
Looking over to Julian for a moment, he falls quiet again as he looks off into the room. He’s aware of everyone else here in the mansion — of the various minds that exist on Etraya here and how much more significantly smaller the number is. Everything here is different to how he was getting used to things back on Earth and he sighs as he lays there, strands of white falling in front of his face some. )
( though the question has him scowling. not because it was asked, just because - )
I haven't seen them since before Decimation. M-Day. They didn't give a shit that I was a mutant, because I'm still ( both hands raise, to make 'air quotes'. ) human passing or whatever, but weren't happy when I called the family lawyer after TSA threw a fit over some of my less 'normal' friends trying to board a stupid airplane. Disinherited me for it, but said I was still family or whatever. Then Decimation happened, some other bullcrap went down, and Ms. Frost just fucked off and left me on my own. I tried to go back home, but they'd packed everything up and sold the place without a word. Haven't seen them since.
( It’s moments like these where he wonders if it’s better he doesn’t know or never knew his blood parents. To hear of the things some have done to their own children and especially to mutant children… it’s hard for someone like him who can so easily tap into those feelings of betrayal, of heartache, of abandonment, anger, loneliness, and so many other things. He has to shield himself to an extent to not pick up too much of it, but. Blue eyes look over there to Julian and he offers him a gentle: )
I’m sorry.
( He knows the words won’t help or can’t magically fix anything he’s dealt with or carried with him over the years, but. He still offers it to him. Genuinely. )
Family is… who you choose, I think. It’s not always blood. Even if we might want it to be.
( Forge had been more of a father to him than anyone else ever had and he misses him everyday still. )
( he remembers how hurt foley had been when his parents had just left him on campus. signed over all rights to their own damn kid like it meant nothing. and foley had been anti-mutant, until he realized he was one. there are mutations that julian - well. he doesn't like that people hate them, but he can understand why someone might fuck off from their own blood if they discovered they had them. foley? is a healer. cessily is made out of living metal. yet look at how shittily they get treated, just for being different. )
It's their loss, not mine. I chose the X-Men as my family. Them? They've got money, sure, but they don't have the loyalty one should be getting from their family. I do, through all of you. So it doesn't matter any, my family's better without them.
( Quiet at that, he gives it a couple seconds before he says anything. Mostly because he doesn't think he should even bother, but. Also because, he feels it to be true. )
I was trying to quantify it in a way that isn't mutants, because some of them are just as shitty as the flatscans.
( but he's sitting himself back up again, forearms on his lap. tries to think of a good way to - put it. )
Not the X-Men. The first gen's kind of crap. They were calling us the New X-Men for a bit, before separating a lot of us out. ( his generation, he means. ) I just mean us in general. Our generation of mutants. I know you're not from our Earth or whatever, but I'm counting you anyway. I'd trust you over them any day.
( At that, he sits himself up some on his arm, blue eyes blinking as he looks over to Julian there on the other bed. Definitely not anything he thought he'd hear when it comes to the precious X-Men and all. )
( there's a loose lift of his shoulders, a kind of half-shrug. )
There were five of them when they were figuring crap out. When mutants became widely known and recognized. And they'd slowly gotten more on the crew over time, right? Those people had all the goddamn support they could from Xavier and whatever. When it got to our time? When M-Day hit, when kids were dying in school because the Scarlet Witch fucked everyone over, no one was there for us. We had to figure out our crap on our own - or get dragged into whatever team, fighting wars that weren't ours.
( his head tips up, eyes locking on nate's own. )
I know your crap isn't exactly the same, but you had to figure out your crap yourself to an extent, too. You get it in a way they never will.
( He supposes Julian has a point. Granted, he had Forge with him, but. Even then, for only a small amount of time and Forge never could really help him with his powers in the way he's been trying to navigate on his own. He'd given him advice and guidance in how to work and handle them, sure. But beyond that, he's had to go it alone— well. Sinister is in the picture now. Or at least he was before he found himself here and while the madman was someone he wanted to kill as much as he did Apocalypse, he'd had a couple points about things. You know, until he ended up here.
Falling quiet again, he looks over to Julian and... hesitates over something before he ultimately just looks down. No. There's no point. )
( that gets a sour look out of him. lips purse, and he's - he's already sitting up, so julian just twists enough so he's half-facing nate, elbow resting against his thigh and face resting against a metal palm. )
It's just - it doesn't mean anything shitty. They've just always got each other's back and have fucked off on the rest of us. Quire and I hate each other half the damn time, but I know if he heard I was about to get fucked up, he'd do whatever he could to stop it. Same with Sophie. I wouldn't trust Scott not to knock me down further if he thought I was about to fall off a cliff or whatever. He's there for mutantkind, not the rest of us individually.
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( which he realizes means absolutely nothing without context, but, )
Unless she directly tells you that she's being serious, that she wants something more out of something, I wouldn't take anything with her even a little bit seriously. She was flirting with and kissing me when we were still back on Aphaia, too.
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Does everyone just... sleep with each other then? And it doesn't mean anything?
( Now he's questioning what he had with Thren. )
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( he's still coming to terms with krakoa being gone. everyone else here who experienced living there had time back home to cope. julian just - had it all info dumped right into him. )
The Cuckoos are a special case.
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What's the point then?
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Man, I don't know. Like I said, the Cuckoos are a special case. I've been trying to get the same girl's attention for. . . hell if I know how long anymore, and I'm lucky if she even looks my way. Then there's chicks like the Cuckoos who just want shit casually and I've tried that, but it doesn't, ( a loose lift of his shoulders, while he tries to think about how to word this whole mess, ) It doesn't feel right. You know?
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In the end, he just sighs. Because he does get it, and not just because he's a telepath. )
Yeah. It doesn't.
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But it's not what I want. And I don't, ( christ, he needs to stop starting sentences only to get stuck midway because how the fuck is he supposed to finish them, this isn't something he's all that comfortable chatting about, ) It took me forever to figure out how to do basic shit again after sentinels blew off my hands. I don't know how I'm supposed to manage sleeping with girls without fucking it up. I pull out my own damn hair enough as it is. So, no, I haven't been with a lot of girls. But yeah, I have fucked it up every time I have been with someone, so I get you.
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( Oral, he means and yeah, he's trying to be helpful, not funny. )
You're afraid of hurting someone you're with, just like I'm afraid I could hurt anyone I'm around.
( The smile he offers him is soft and bittersweet in a way — understanding more than anything else. At that, he turns to lay on his side so he can look to Julian then, arm tucked under his head again and blue eyes stare to the mutant there on the other bed. )
But I guess it's a risk we end up taking at some point, right? Because sometimes it's lonely not to. I know that feeling, too.
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there's sophie, now that there's no hivemind. but he wouldn't say jack shit to any of them when they were all hiveminded out because those girls love to gossip.
cessily isn't a bad choice, until one considers that she's also basically his sister and he's not asking someone he thinks of like a sibling anything like that. ew.
doesn't matter. nate's moved on, julian's not going to bother talking about any of the rest of that crap because that's messy and this is already messy enough. )
Yeah. ( no one really likes being alone, do they? ) Anyway. Don't worry about crap with Sophie. Unless she led you on and made it seem like it was more than it is, in which case - can't do much about it, but. I get you.
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I knew this girl back on Earth.
( You know, the one they're all from and he might as well consider his new home. )
She had the ability to absorb dying people's energy. Sometimes I think she got addicted to it. Anyways, we spent some time together — thought it was something more than just spending time together, but. She has a tendency to disappear... then I found out Sinister had her try and bring me in to him, so. I guess it's why I was asking if it all meaning nothing really is just how it is.
( A shrug, he sighs, closing his eyes. )
Or maybe I'm just stupid, I don't know.
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( also, working with sinister? ick. but girls using their appeal to get guys to follow them places? sounds about right. wouldn't be the first time he's heard that story.
with another sigh, julian flops back to lay on the bed he's sitting on. maybe it doesn't have sheets or an actual blanket on it but a mattress is a mattress and they're still chatting, he's unlikely to go anywhere any time soon. )
Chick who absorbs dying people's energy probably isn't all that great to hang around anyway. But what do I know?
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( Just like with Maddie. Is this how it is with women? He’s beginning to wonder.
Looking over to Julian for a moment, he falls quiet again as he looks off into the room. He’s aware of everyone else here in the mansion — of the various minds that exist on Etraya here and how much more significantly smaller the number is. Everything here is different to how he was getting used to things back on Earth and he sighs as he lays there, strands of white falling in front of his face some. )
Are your parents mutants too?
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( though the question has him scowling. not because it was asked, just because - )
I haven't seen them since before Decimation. M-Day. They didn't give a shit that I was a mutant, because I'm still ( both hands raise, to make 'air quotes'. ) human passing or whatever, but weren't happy when I called the family lawyer after TSA threw a fit over some of my less 'normal' friends trying to board a stupid airplane. Disinherited me for it, but said I was still family or whatever. Then Decimation happened, some other bullcrap went down, and Ms. Frost just fucked off and left me on my own. I tried to go back home, but they'd packed everything up and sold the place without a word. Haven't seen them since.
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I’m sorry.
( He knows the words won’t help or can’t magically fix anything he’s dealt with or carried with him over the years, but. He still offers it to him. Genuinely. )
Family is… who you choose, I think. It’s not always blood. Even if we might want it to be.
( Forge had been more of a father to him than anyone else ever had and he misses him everyday still. )
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( he remembers how hurt foley had been when his parents had just left him on campus. signed over all rights to their own damn kid like it meant nothing. and foley had been anti-mutant, until he realized he was one. there are mutations that julian - well. he doesn't like that people hate them, but he can understand why someone might fuck off from their own blood if they discovered they had them. foley? is a healer. cessily is made out of living metal. yet look at how shittily they get treated, just for being different. )
It's their loss, not mine. I chose the X-Men as my family. Them? They've got money, sure, but they don't have the loyalty one should be getting from their family. I do, through all of you. So it doesn't matter any, my family's better without them.
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But I'm not X-Men.
( He's not... anything. Just Nate. )
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( but he's sitting himself back up again, forearms on his lap. tries to think of a good way to - put it. )
Not the X-Men. The first gen's kind of crap. They were calling us the New X-Men for a bit, before separating a lot of us out. ( his generation, he means. ) I just mean us in general. Our generation of mutants. I know you're not from our Earth or whatever, but I'm counting you anyway. I'd trust you over them any day.
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...why?
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( there's a loose lift of his shoulders, a kind of half-shrug. )
There were five of them when they were figuring crap out. When mutants became widely known and recognized. And they'd slowly gotten more on the crew over time, right? Those people had all the goddamn support they could from Xavier and whatever. When it got to our time? When M-Day hit, when kids were dying in school because the Scarlet Witch fucked everyone over, no one was there for us. We had to figure out our crap on our own - or get dragged into whatever team, fighting wars that weren't ours.
( his head tips up, eyes locking on nate's own. )
I know your crap isn't exactly the same, but you had to figure out your crap yourself to an extent, too. You get it in a way they never will.
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Falling quiet again, he looks over to Julian and... hesitates over something before he ultimately just looks down. No. There's no point. )
Yeah. Guess I do. Lucky me.
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It's just - it doesn't mean anything shitty. They've just always got each other's back and have fucked off on the rest of us. Quire and I hate each other half the damn time, but I know if he heard I was about to get fucked up, he'd do whatever he could to stop it. Same with Sophie. I wouldn't trust Scott not to knock me down further if he thought I was about to fall off a cliff or whatever. He's there for mutantkind, not the rest of us individually.
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( Scott? Jean? His parents? His parents that he doesn't even — if just barely — know[s]. )
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( like on one hand, scott has personally fucked julian over once or twice in ways julian's not going to be forgetting any time soon. but also. )
You're their kid. You're probably fine.
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I don't know them. Might never know them with what time there is.
( A gentle shrug of a shoulder, he looks back. )
I just try to take it one day at a time. One nightmare at a time.
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( he has a good idea of what nate means, but julian opts to ask anyway. just because he's being all ominous. )
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