Almost? All that top class trainin' we gave you.. [ Logan snorts. ]
I mean the time I asked you why you followed me in the first place when we ain't exactly seen eye to eye. And Laura walked in and answered that question without you havin' to say anythin' else.
( wrong move. the mention of laura momentarily shifts julian's attention away from logan and to--well. her. her and josh, how they're doing, because their wellbeing is significantly more important than this stupid fucking cell but he.
well. remembers he's stuck here with logan a moment later and refocuses. )
I followed you because I was sick of being canon fodder. I was tired of getting mauled, left by myself, thrown aside, then told to get back to it when shit went sideways. I was tired of being on the front lines of a war I'd been stuck in since I'd woken up and found several of my friends dead, and sent several more off to die. Because I was sick of Summers giving me orders to do crap, then immediately getting pissed off and threatening to boot me out because I didn't follow through how he'd wanted. I followed you because I thought you were the better choice, not only for me, but for the rest of us.
[ Julian's heartrate does interesting things when he's posed that question. Logan eyes the stains on the walls around him and thinks about that, though he's soon distracted by the answer he gets.
Swinging his legs around, he sits up on his bunk. ]
No shit. [ His disbelief is clear in his tone. ] Gonna need you to repeat that. Preferably somewhere where Scott can hear.
[ He scratches his bristly chin thoughtfully. ] Always figured you came along 'cause of Laura.
( that hits a nerve. julian's head tips back, jaw clenching tight before he's pulling himself up to his feet and just--moving over towards the cell wall closest to logan. )
You don't know about me. ( voice carefully even. he's angry. fuming. there's no good way to really express that right now given. they're stuck in fucking cells right now, but. he'll hold onto it for later. )
I'm not the one running around taking advantage of ex-students who trusted them. I haven't done jack shit to earn any mistrust, especially from you. How many marks do you have on your record?
[ As far as Logan's concerned, Julian's giving back as good as he gets. His expression goes stony at the words "taking advantage" and by the end of his question he's on his feet as well, prowling to the edge of his cage to set a hand on the wall right where Julian is. ]
You've done plenty, Keller. [ His voice is a low growl, pitched deliberately so it doesn't echo around the Zoo. ] I know your record. But mostly I don't trust you 'cause you remind me too damn much of myself. You're unpredictable. You're angry. You don't take any shit from anyone until you've decided you want to. I can admire that. But I'm not gonna take my eye off you. You want to be treated like an adult instead of a kid? Fine. None of you are kids any more. But that means dealin' with the fact that sometimes when you push someone, and keep pushin' at them, they're gonna push back, and you ain't always gonna like the results.
he can't even snap at him, because that's just proving logan's point even further. his teeth grind together, jaw clenched tight. )
None of us have been kids for years, asshole. We didn't get the chance to be. I'm not stupid enough to put the blame for it on you. ( a slow breath in, steadying. he's not going to snap here. it won't benefit him. he can handle logan, julian isn't an idiot teenager with a lot to prove anymore. so he just. raises a hand up, flips logan off. quirks up the corners of his lips. )
[ He mutters the words as he pushes away from the wall, walking back over to sit down heavily on his bunk. Sighing, he tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling again, waiting a little while before he speaks again. ]
What you said about me being the better choice. You still think that?
( logan leaves, and julian--hits his fist against the wall, hisses from the sensation of it. stays where he's at while he tries to soothe out the ache in one hand with the other. )
About Westchester? Yeah.
( an easy response. westchester had been an experience, but it wouldn't even be close to the bottom of the scale for julian, far as he's concerned. )
About here? Fuck no. You haven't been right about crap.
[ Logan hears that little smack of flesh against the brickwork and the hiss of pain and grins to himself, though it fades quickly at Julian's angry retort. ]
Someone has to do something. [ It sounds like a bullshit excuse even as he says it. ] What's your big plan, huh? What would you have done, smartass?
I'm not going to jump into shit just because I'm angry and emotional, is what.
( he probably will, but that's not the point. don't call him out on it. )
You want to figure out how crap works here? You find a chink in their armor and pull at it until you can see what's underneath. Being a fucking idiot and running in halfcocked when you know damn well they're just going to grab us and fuck us over is just going to end like, ( well. a gesture down to himself, over to logan. ) with the rest of us in fucking cells elsewhere. Enough of this, and Foley's going to tip over the edge and we'll all be fucked.
You think I ain't tried any of that? You think I've been sittin' around waitin' for you to show up? Holdin' back to get your precious advice?
[ He snorts derisively, then leans back and lies down on his bunk again. ]
If you wanna be team leader, bub, feel fuckin' free. I'm sick and tired of babysitting. Let's see what you can come up with. Call me when you're back on Krakoa.
( don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, or whatever. but julian's less pissed now and more annoyed. which. is an improvement at least. )
I don't want to be team leader of your people. Do whatever you want with Kurt or whatever. He knows not to be an idiot. Just stay the hell away from mine with your bullcrap.
Your people are my people, Keller. Don't try and tell me that shit! All your years with us, all the fallout from that goddamn scrap over Utopia, and you never learned that? You think things are better when we're bitin' each other's heels?
[ And he adds, snarled under his breath as he turns to pace back across his cell: ] Emma's got a lot to fuckin' answer for.
( his voice is oddly steady, for someone who's mid argument with the fucking wolverine. )
I learned that most of you ( you know, the main group. the x-men oldies. ) don't give two fucks about the rest of us. You ever hear the bullshit Emma pulled with me? I woke up from a fucking coma, just to get told everything was over, have a nice life, find somewhere else to go! After M-day, I didn't have anything else. I fought for us, and she threw me in a goddamn jail cell. I tried to save Hope, and what did I get for it? Summers saying if I pulled bullshit like that again, I'd be done for. Booted out. Fuck you.
( a sharp breath in through his nose, teeth grinding together hard between sentences. )
You only give a shit about grouping us together when it benefits you.
[ Logan fights back the urge to pop his claws and try to dig his way through the wall so he can give the snot-nosed kid something real to think about. It's probably a good thing that he can't do it even if he wanted to.
He snarls instead, pointing in Julian's general direction as he walks across his cell. ]
You goddamn whiny little punk. I'm sick of hearin' this crap. You think anyone who fought for you has it easier? You think Scott wouldn't put his goddamn life on the line for you, over and over, without thinkin' about it? He's twice the man you'll ever be, Keller. But that ain't enough, is it? We treat you like a kid and you bitch about it. We leave you to deal with things like an adult and you bitch about it. You wanna be treated like an adult so bad? Well, here ya go, bub! Welcome to bein' a fuckin' adult. Guess what, you don't always get thanked for doin' your job or doin' the right thing. You don't get a pat on the ass for behavin' yourself. Sometimes life is painful and miserable and you gotta keep goin' because if you don't, people die, and that's all the thanks you get.
[ Growling, he swings around again. ]
Feel free to keep on bein' an ungrateful little shit. But don't think for a goddamn second that you get to decide what I do, or what Laura does, or what any of your friends do, 'cause if you think they're gonna blindly follow you, you've got another thing comin'. You earn leadership, boy. And from where I'm standin', you're way off the mark.
( he listens. considers arguing with logan for a moment, before he realizes that--it's stupid to try, logan's just going to escalate it again and it'll get them fucking nowhere. )
I can't believe I looked up to you. God, you're an idiot. ( when has summers ever put himself on the line for julian? when has life not been a painful, miserable fucking heap of trash for him, for any of the mutants of his generation? when did anyone ever blindly listen to him, to even give him the idea anyone would?
instead of saying jack shit, julian just--turns around, moves back to his crummy mattress to lay himself down on it. pretend logan doesn't exist. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Kind of a roundabout way to a compliment, but there it is. Logan opens his eyes and studies the ceiling of his cell. ]
You remember that talk we had when you followed me to Westchester? I asked you why you came with me when you coulda stayed in Utopia with Slim?
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( before santo had to step in and be the responsible, you probably shouldn't bitch fight each other out here party. fun ruiner. )
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I mean the time I asked you why you followed me in the first place when we ain't exactly seen eye to eye. And Laura walked in and answered that question without you havin' to say anythin' else.
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well. remembers he's stuck here with logan a moment later and refocuses. )
I followed you because I was sick of being canon fodder. I was tired of getting mauled, left by myself, thrown aside, then told to get back to it when shit went sideways. I was tired of being on the front lines of a war I'd been stuck in since I'd woken up and found several of my friends dead, and sent several more off to die. Because I was sick of Summers giving me orders to do crap, then immediately getting pissed off and threatening to boot me out because I didn't follow through how he'd wanted. I followed you because I thought you were the better choice, not only for me, but for the rest of us.
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Swinging his legs around, he sits up on his bunk. ]
No shit. [ His disbelief is clear in his tone. ] Gonna need you to repeat that. Preferably somewhere where Scott can hear.
[ He scratches his bristly chin thoughtfully. ] Always figured you came along 'cause of Laura.
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( julian made a choice. maybe it was partially influenced by laura but he wouldn't have--chosen something so important just for her. )
There a reason you brought it up?
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I know you and her are.. roommates. Her, I trust. [ A brief pause. ] You, I don't know about.
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You don't know about me. ( voice carefully even. he's angry. fuming. there's no good way to really express that right now given. they're stuck in fucking cells right now, but. he'll hold onto it for later. )
I'm not the one running around taking advantage of ex-students who trusted them. I haven't done jack shit to earn any mistrust, especially from you. How many marks do you have on your record?
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You've done plenty, Keller. [ His voice is a low growl, pitched deliberately so it doesn't echo around the Zoo. ] I know your record. But mostly I don't trust you 'cause you remind me too damn much of myself. You're unpredictable. You're angry. You don't take any shit from anyone until you've decided you want to. I can admire that. But I'm not gonna take my eye off you. You want to be treated like an adult instead of a kid? Fine. None of you are kids any more. But that means dealin' with the fact that sometimes when you push someone, and keep pushin' at them, they're gonna push back, and you ain't always gonna like the results.
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he can't even snap at him, because that's just proving logan's point even further. his teeth grind together, jaw clenched tight. )
None of us have been kids for years, asshole. We didn't get the chance to be. I'm not stupid enough to put the blame for it on you. ( a slow breath in, steadying. he's not going to snap here. it won't benefit him. he can handle logan, julian isn't an idiot teenager with a lot to prove anymore. so he just. raises a hand up, flips logan off. quirks up the corners of his lips. )
And I'm a hell of a lot better than you.
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[ He mutters the words as he pushes away from the wall, walking back over to sit down heavily on his bunk. Sighing, he tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling again, waiting a little while before he speaks again. ]
What you said about me being the better choice. You still think that?
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About Westchester? Yeah.
( an easy response. westchester had been an experience, but it wouldn't even be close to the bottom of the scale for julian, far as he's concerned. )
About here? Fuck no. You haven't been right about crap.
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Someone has to do something. [ It sounds like a bullshit excuse even as he says it. ] What's your big plan, huh? What would you have done, smartass?
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( he probably will, but that's not the point. don't call him out on it. )
You want to figure out how crap works here? You find a chink in their armor and pull at it until you can see what's underneath. Being a fucking idiot and running in halfcocked when you know damn well they're just going to grab us and fuck us over is just going to end like, ( well. a gesture down to himself, over to logan. ) with the rest of us in fucking cells elsewhere. Enough of this, and Foley's going to tip over the edge and we'll all be fucked.
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[ He snorts derisively, then leans back and lies down on his bunk again. ]
If you wanna be team leader, bub, feel fuckin' free. I'm sick and tired of babysitting. Let's see what you can come up with. Call me when you're back on Krakoa.
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( don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, or whatever. but julian's less pissed now and more annoyed. which. is an improvement at least. )
I don't want to be team leader of your people. Do whatever you want with Kurt or whatever. He knows not to be an idiot. Just stay the hell away from mine with your bullcrap.
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[ That gets him on his feet again. ]
Your people are my people, Keller. Don't try and tell me that shit! All your years with us, all the fallout from that goddamn scrap over Utopia, and you never learned that? You think things are better when we're bitin' each other's heels?
[ And he adds, snarled under his breath as he turns to pace back across his cell: ] Emma's got a lot to fuckin' answer for.
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( his voice is oddly steady, for someone who's mid argument with the fucking wolverine. )
I learned that most of you ( you know, the main group. the x-men oldies. ) don't give two fucks about the rest of us. You ever hear the bullshit Emma pulled with me? I woke up from a fucking coma, just to get told everything was over, have a nice life, find somewhere else to go! After M-day, I didn't have anything else. I fought for us, and she threw me in a goddamn jail cell. I tried to save Hope, and what did I get for it? Summers saying if I pulled bullshit like that again, I'd be done for. Booted out. Fuck you.
( a sharp breath in through his nose, teeth grinding together hard between sentences. )
You only give a shit about grouping us together when it benefits you.
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He snarls instead, pointing in Julian's general direction as he walks across his cell. ]
You goddamn whiny little punk. I'm sick of hearin' this crap. You think anyone who fought for you has it easier? You think Scott wouldn't put his goddamn life on the line for you, over and over, without thinkin' about it? He's twice the man you'll ever be, Keller. But that ain't enough, is it? We treat you like a kid and you bitch about it. We leave you to deal with things like an adult and you bitch about it. You wanna be treated like an adult so bad? Well, here ya go, bub! Welcome to bein' a fuckin' adult. Guess what, you don't always get thanked for doin' your job or doin' the right thing. You don't get a pat on the ass for behavin' yourself. Sometimes life is painful and miserable and you gotta keep goin' because if you don't, people die, and that's all the thanks you get.
[ Growling, he swings around again. ]
Feel free to keep on bein' an ungrateful little shit. But don't think for a goddamn second that you get to decide what I do, or what Laura does, or what any of your friends do, 'cause if you think they're gonna blindly follow you, you've got another thing comin'. You earn leadership, boy. And from where I'm standin', you're way off the mark.
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I can't believe I looked up to you. God, you're an idiot. ( when has summers ever put himself on the line for julian? when has life not been a painful, miserable fucking heap of trash for him, for any of the mutants of his generation? when did anyone ever blindly listen to him, to even give him the idea anyone would?
instead of saying jack shit, julian just--turns around, moves back to his crummy mattress to lay himself down on it. pretend logan doesn't exist. )